You know.... just getting that last post out there makes me feel a bit better. I will have to come to terms with my feelings as a failure and everything that happened but talking about it seemed to be the first step in the right direction.
Today I'm sending out birth announcements :) YAY! I think they are just the cutest things in the world, but I also think my son is the cutest little guy in the world.
I can totally do this whole 'mom' thing. Trial and Error :) He's too young to know that I have NO idea what I'm doing
Friday, December 30, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
....
I've been trying really hard for the last two weeks to let this feeling go... and I've tried to not think about it but every time it comes into my mind I just cry. I nearly killed my son...
My birth experience was, less than ideal. I thought I did an ok job getting to 9-10cm. The only time I really wanted to give up was in the car on the ride to the hospital. That was the worst!
I was really excited (as excited as i could be while exhausted) when I was told that I was at 10, but in an instant it was taken away. "Don't Push"
"Don't Push"
So I fought it... like trying to fight my body's every breath. It was the worst thing I have done in my entire life. With every contraction I could feel my body bearing down. I could feel it from my head to my toes trying to push my little guy out. But I had to fight it. I couldn't help.
It didn't help that the one nurse for HOURS had been whispering negative things to me. "Why not just get the epidural?" "how much longer are you going to put yourself through this?" "What are you trying to prove?" and many other things that thankfully I didn't hear much and have since forgotten. I started to block her out at some point.
After 2 hours of this not pushing, I will admit I had nothing left. I couldn't keep fighting my body. I desperately wanted to push. On the few contractions when I allowed myself to push it felt like relief. No joke I actually felt much better but everyone would yell "Don't Push" over and over with every contractions.
Finally the epidural was brought up as the only solution. I hadn't eaten in over 14hrs and even then it was a small meal. I had no fight left and with all 4 people in the room saying I should do it i did. For a moment it felt good but only a moment. The horrid nurse shoved me onto my side, something was wrong.
Cameron had no heart beat, with every contraction he was in distress and his heart rate failed. The epidural was killing him. My failure was killing him, I had given up and it was going to kill him. I should have fought. I should have continued. I was brought into the OR for an emergency C-section.
I just want this guilt to go away... but every time I see the incision or I feel it pull I know... I almost killed my son because I gave up.
My birth experience was, less than ideal. I thought I did an ok job getting to 9-10cm. The only time I really wanted to give up was in the car on the ride to the hospital. That was the worst!
I was really excited (as excited as i could be while exhausted) when I was told that I was at 10, but in an instant it was taken away. "Don't Push"
"Don't Push"
So I fought it... like trying to fight my body's every breath. It was the worst thing I have done in my entire life. With every contraction I could feel my body bearing down. I could feel it from my head to my toes trying to push my little guy out. But I had to fight it. I couldn't help.
It didn't help that the one nurse for HOURS had been whispering negative things to me. "Why not just get the epidural?" "how much longer are you going to put yourself through this?" "What are you trying to prove?" and many other things that thankfully I didn't hear much and have since forgotten. I started to block her out at some point.
After 2 hours of this not pushing, I will admit I had nothing left. I couldn't keep fighting my body. I desperately wanted to push. On the few contractions when I allowed myself to push it felt like relief. No joke I actually felt much better but everyone would yell "Don't Push" over and over with every contractions.
Finally the epidural was brought up as the only solution. I hadn't eaten in over 14hrs and even then it was a small meal. I had no fight left and with all 4 people in the room saying I should do it i did. For a moment it felt good but only a moment. The horrid nurse shoved me onto my side, something was wrong.
Cameron had no heart beat, with every contraction he was in distress and his heart rate failed. The epidural was killing him. My failure was killing him, I had given up and it was going to kill him. I should have fought. I should have continued. I was brought into the OR for an emergency C-section.
I just want this guilt to go away... but every time I see the incision or I feel it pull I know... I almost killed my son because I gave up.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Whew!
Wow... life has changed!
Two weeks ago I had a son.
IT IS CRAZY!!!
It is one thing to be warned at the sleep deprivation, frustration, stiffness, soreness, etc but it is something else entirely to experience it. I'm not sure I was prepared for the pain of breast feeding. WOW! I know it means we still have work to do with his latch but YEOZA! No one ever said that chunks would be literally taken out of the breast, or that the breasts would hurt if the baby didn't feed often enough. Apparently I needed to attend classes on breast feeding BEFORE having the baby. I thought it was just going to be a fairly easy natural thing. Yeah, not so much. But my son is a little trouper, and he is dealing with his crazy mother :)
So far he has gained about an oz a day since birth. We really need to invest in a scale that works properly though, as at home there is no way to tell what he (or I) weigh.
Well baby is waking up so time to feed him. Thank goodness for the internet, I found a few new positions to breast-feed and there is one that 90% of the time he latches great, no real pain just a tugging feeling :) So I'm super excited about that!
Ha... half this post was about boobs - I'm such a mom!
Want pictures of my little cutie?
This is while mommy was getting stitched :-/
our first meeting... skin to skin and eventually we even managed to breast-feed the little guy. 
Our little guy hours after birth :)
Two weeks ago I had a son.
IT IS CRAZY!!!
It is one thing to be warned at the sleep deprivation, frustration, stiffness, soreness, etc but it is something else entirely to experience it. I'm not sure I was prepared for the pain of breast feeding. WOW! I know it means we still have work to do with his latch but YEOZA! No one ever said that chunks would be literally taken out of the breast, or that the breasts would hurt if the baby didn't feed often enough. Apparently I needed to attend classes on breast feeding BEFORE having the baby. I thought it was just going to be a fairly easy natural thing. Yeah, not so much. But my son is a little trouper, and he is dealing with his crazy mother :)
So far he has gained about an oz a day since birth. We really need to invest in a scale that works properly though, as at home there is no way to tell what he (or I) weigh.
Well baby is waking up so time to feed him. Thank goodness for the internet, I found a few new positions to breast-feed and there is one that 90% of the time he latches great, no real pain just a tugging feeling :) So I'm super excited about that!
Ha... half this post was about boobs - I'm such a mom!
Want pictures of my little cutie?
This is while mommy was getting stitched :-/ 
our first meeting... skin to skin and eventually we even managed to breast-feed the little guy. 
Our little guy hours after birth :)Wednesday, December 7, 2011
CARE provider?
This has been the week from hell so far (and yes I know it's only Tuesday). On Monday morning I drove to my normal midwife's office to have my non-stress test done and to strip my membranes (to try and help things along). Well upon my arrival what do I find but that MY midwife has been FIRED! And replaced by a new midwife that can't legally practice on her own yet so the doctor has to sit in on all her clients for the next week.
No warning, Nothing!
So what do you do? At 41+wks prego what options do you have? So I cancelled the appointment and left. Re-thought that decision today but we will get to that part of the story.
About a month ago my husband and I decided which hospital we would like for our birth. Unfortionaltely my current midwife didn't have credentials to deliver in that hospital. So I started to 'see' one of the doctors. I love the hospital and they are very natural friendly. They even allow water births :)
I thought this was just great, even though my midwife was now gone, I still had this doctor on my side. (HA HA HA) I went into my appointment with him and immediately he said "Ok, you've gone long enough we need to induce you by Thursday." So naturally I tried to work with him. If we do a stress test to prove that the baby is doing well can we go longer? So he agrees to the stress test (which baby passed and VERY well I might add). Then he said well we should actually start to try and induce you Wednesday night, and then if that doesn't work Pitocin by Thursday morning. So again trying to be reasonable, I say well what if you check me. See how far along i am on my own, then we can move the induction or avoid it all together. So he checks me... then says "Well the baby is high, I would personally like to do a C-section but we will try an induction first. No worries we can just do that Thursday if the induction fails."
Did he REALLY just say C-section to me? AFTER telling me that the baby and I were both healthy? WTH!?! I honestly had NO idea what to do or say at that point and I will admit I just sat their stunned for a moment. Then to listen to him telling me again "Be at the hospital by 6pm tomorrow and we will get you induced. You will have the baby by Thursday night."
Insert verbal argument here...
"Despite what you read in your magazines...."
"I consider Pitocin as safe as a natural birth..."
"I've been doing this much longer than you..."
"You will have to trust my expertise, isn't that why you came to me?"
"Do you think another care provider will take you on this late?"
"If I let you go later we are risking the baby's life, do you want to end up with a dead baby?"
"All I care about is having a healthy baby, do you want to go against that?"
And then the nurse in the room... "I had pitocin and the epidural, there isn't anything to it. The baby comes faster and you don't feel much."
I'm not 100% sure what my responses were to those HORRIBLE remarks but eventually I just stopped fighting him. I felt beaten down, pushed around, thrown in the mud, and trampled on. What more could I do or say? I KNEW that the baby wasn't at risk, I KNEW that a C-Section was just completely UNNECESSARY and I KNEW that I could in NO way trust this doctor. He continued to talk to me for maybe 10more minutes while I just sat in silence and held back tears. I'm pretty sure I never even made eye contact again.
As I left the office I was handed a hard that had my induction time AND my C-section time scheduled already. I was horrified. I KNEW I wouldn't be doing it but what could I do? What were my options?
Luckily I have the most AMAZING women around me! I called my sister first and told her the disaster that was my latest doc appointment. Both of us just sat on the phone for awhile not knowing what to say. I KNEW she was angry, I'm almost glad she wasn't with me and I think the doc might have died. But deep down I wanted my big sister to defend me, to fight for me. And hearing her so upset, and her desire to verbally rip him to pieced made me feel pretty good :) So after we both calmed down a little (you really can't calm down too much when you are bullied that much) we started to think of my next step. What do I do now? My sister even scarified one of the rooms in her house for me (her children were destroying it and she stayed on the phone with me instead of stopping the kids. I totally owe her one!)
Well we both knew I needed to cancel the induction with the hospital, but that was the hospital that I wanted to deliver at later. Would they now hate me? Would they treat me differently when i went into labor? What if that HORRIBLE man was on call when I went into labor? Oh me, Oh my!
At this point we started to talk about my old practice. I obviously couldn't have my midwife :( but the new lady was starting to look nice. But then we thought for a second... she is UNDER the doctor. OB/GYN's really don't like women to go passed 41wks. Who is to say that my Estimated Due Date was right in the first place? Do all animals in the wild have exactly the same length of pregnancies? Or do they vary 2-3weeks? I think we all know the answer. Doc's are too concerned with their malpractice insurance, well IF something were to happen. IF the baby went into distress. IF IF IF IF IF... I don't care about the IF. That's why I'm in the hospital for that IF, but I will NOT sacrifice my son or myself based on an IF.
Back to the point... what do I do now?
Well my sister and I just happen to have a friend who is a Doula. A doula is someone who provides non-medical support to woman and their families during labor. We thought she might have an idea. So my sister called her (I tried but her phone was busy, she was already on with my sister), and then she called me. We had one more idea. It might be a long shot though.... there is another midwife. Now my insurance will not pay for her BUT she would allow me to avoid induction, still have a care provider, AND deliver at the desired hospital. It all sounded GREAT to me! Another midwife instead of a doctor even!! BUT the big catch, she might not be able to take me and it could be against hospital/professional policies to take a client from another doctor in the same hospital.
You would think that hour that I waited to hear anything would have been one of the longest hours of my life but I had about 8 phone calls in that time from friends/family/ my husband. So it passed rather quickly. I saw the number for my Doula friend pop up on my phone... SHE WOULD TAKE ME ON!!!!
Immediately I felt a sense of relief, a lot of the stress of the day had been removed. If baby would just stay put for 15 more hours I would have a new care provider who actually CARED about me. Who wanted what was best for baby, AND mom. And who didn't make decisions based on IF, but based on each individual case. With my history through the pregnancy I am NOT high risk and there is no need to induce or have a C-Section :) Now today I have to go to the hospital sign some paperwork to transfer my paperwork over to the new midwife and set up an appointment with her. Then I'm free of this mess, I'm free of the stress and the worry and I can go back to concentrating on having a healthy happy baby. And all the 'fun' ways to try and naturally get him to come out on his own. My body is physically ready for this little one, but being at -3 station he isn't all that interested. And now we can wait on him :) God designed us to deliver babies, and I trust that when the time is right I will be holding mine :-D
No warning, Nothing!
So what do you do? At 41+wks prego what options do you have? So I cancelled the appointment and left. Re-thought that decision today but we will get to that part of the story.
About a month ago my husband and I decided which hospital we would like for our birth. Unfortionaltely my current midwife didn't have credentials to deliver in that hospital. So I started to 'see' one of the doctors. I love the hospital and they are very natural friendly. They even allow water births :)
I thought this was just great, even though my midwife was now gone, I still had this doctor on my side. (HA HA HA) I went into my appointment with him and immediately he said "Ok, you've gone long enough we need to induce you by Thursday." So naturally I tried to work with him. If we do a stress test to prove that the baby is doing well can we go longer? So he agrees to the stress test (which baby passed and VERY well I might add). Then he said well we should actually start to try and induce you Wednesday night, and then if that doesn't work Pitocin by Thursday morning. So again trying to be reasonable, I say well what if you check me. See how far along i am on my own, then we can move the induction or avoid it all together. So he checks me... then says "Well the baby is high, I would personally like to do a C-section but we will try an induction first. No worries we can just do that Thursday if the induction fails."
Did he REALLY just say C-section to me? AFTER telling me that the baby and I were both healthy? WTH!?! I honestly had NO idea what to do or say at that point and I will admit I just sat their stunned for a moment. Then to listen to him telling me again "Be at the hospital by 6pm tomorrow and we will get you induced. You will have the baby by Thursday night."
Insert verbal argument here...
"Despite what you read in your magazines...."
"I consider Pitocin as safe as a natural birth..."
"I've been doing this much longer than you..."
"You will have to trust my expertise, isn't that why you came to me?"
"Do you think another care provider will take you on this late?"
"If I let you go later we are risking the baby's life, do you want to end up with a dead baby?"
"All I care about is having a healthy baby, do you want to go against that?"
And then the nurse in the room... "I had pitocin and the epidural, there isn't anything to it. The baby comes faster and you don't feel much."
I'm not 100% sure what my responses were to those HORRIBLE remarks but eventually I just stopped fighting him. I felt beaten down, pushed around, thrown in the mud, and trampled on. What more could I do or say? I KNEW that the baby wasn't at risk, I KNEW that a C-Section was just completely UNNECESSARY and I KNEW that I could in NO way trust this doctor. He continued to talk to me for maybe 10more minutes while I just sat in silence and held back tears. I'm pretty sure I never even made eye contact again.
As I left the office I was handed a hard that had my induction time AND my C-section time scheduled already. I was horrified. I KNEW I wouldn't be doing it but what could I do? What were my options?
Luckily I have the most AMAZING women around me! I called my sister first and told her the disaster that was my latest doc appointment. Both of us just sat on the phone for awhile not knowing what to say. I KNEW she was angry, I'm almost glad she wasn't with me and I think the doc might have died. But deep down I wanted my big sister to defend me, to fight for me. And hearing her so upset, and her desire to verbally rip him to pieced made me feel pretty good :) So after we both calmed down a little (you really can't calm down too much when you are bullied that much) we started to think of my next step. What do I do now? My sister even scarified one of the rooms in her house for me (her children were destroying it and she stayed on the phone with me instead of stopping the kids. I totally owe her one!)
Well we both knew I needed to cancel the induction with the hospital, but that was the hospital that I wanted to deliver at later. Would they now hate me? Would they treat me differently when i went into labor? What if that HORRIBLE man was on call when I went into labor? Oh me, Oh my!
At this point we started to talk about my old practice. I obviously couldn't have my midwife :( but the new lady was starting to look nice. But then we thought for a second... she is UNDER the doctor. OB/GYN's really don't like women to go passed 41wks. Who is to say that my Estimated Due Date was right in the first place? Do all animals in the wild have exactly the same length of pregnancies? Or do they vary 2-3weeks? I think we all know the answer. Doc's are too concerned with their malpractice insurance, well IF something were to happen. IF the baby went into distress. IF IF IF IF IF... I don't care about the IF. That's why I'm in the hospital for that IF, but I will NOT sacrifice my son or myself based on an IF.
Back to the point... what do I do now?
Well my sister and I just happen to have a friend who is a Doula. A doula is someone who provides non-medical support to woman and their families during labor. We thought she might have an idea. So my sister called her (I tried but her phone was busy, she was already on with my sister), and then she called me. We had one more idea. It might be a long shot though.... there is another midwife. Now my insurance will not pay for her BUT she would allow me to avoid induction, still have a care provider, AND deliver at the desired hospital. It all sounded GREAT to me! Another midwife instead of a doctor even!! BUT the big catch, she might not be able to take me and it could be against hospital/professional policies to take a client from another doctor in the same hospital.
You would think that hour that I waited to hear anything would have been one of the longest hours of my life but I had about 8 phone calls in that time from friends/family/ my husband. So it passed rather quickly. I saw the number for my Doula friend pop up on my phone... SHE WOULD TAKE ME ON!!!!
Immediately I felt a sense of relief, a lot of the stress of the day had been removed. If baby would just stay put for 15 more hours I would have a new care provider who actually CARED about me. Who wanted what was best for baby, AND mom. And who didn't make decisions based on IF, but based on each individual case. With my history through the pregnancy I am NOT high risk and there is no need to induce or have a C-Section :) Now today I have to go to the hospital sign some paperwork to transfer my paperwork over to the new midwife and set up an appointment with her. Then I'm free of this mess, I'm free of the stress and the worry and I can go back to concentrating on having a healthy happy baby. And all the 'fun' ways to try and naturally get him to come out on his own. My body is physically ready for this little one, but being at -3 station he isn't all that interested. And now we can wait on him :) God designed us to deliver babies, and I trust that when the time is right I will be holding mine :-D
Sunday, November 20, 2011
It's Over!
*Whew*
Hubs has been studying for over a year for the CFP (Certified Financial Planner) Exam and after 4 hours on Friday and another 6 hours Saturday, HE IS DONE!!!!
Today we have plans to play games, go to a 'Holiday' Party (She is calling it a Christmas party but as it is pre-thanksgiving I refuse -lol-), and then.... DO THE BABY'S ROOM!!!
No more long nights of hubs at the computer while I sit around bored. We get to spend time together as a family of two, for at least a few more days. Then this little one will arrive and we will be a family of three. Three. Man that is just so weird!
Hubs has been studying for over a year for the CFP (Certified Financial Planner) Exam and after 4 hours on Friday and another 6 hours Saturday, HE IS DONE!!!!
Today we have plans to play games, go to a 'Holiday' Party (She is calling it a Christmas party but as it is pre-thanksgiving I refuse -lol-), and then.... DO THE BABY'S ROOM!!!
No more long nights of hubs at the computer while I sit around bored. We get to spend time together as a family of two, for at least a few more days. Then this little one will arrive and we will be a family of three. Three. Man that is just so weird!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Blankets
So this weekend my house has been over-run with boys. Not just any boys, Hartzler boys! (My in-laws). The new video game Skyrim, was released on Friday so Hubs planned a party weekend to play/watch video games, eat pizza, drink soda, and basically not sleep at all. And while this may sound like fun, once you hit hour 36 it loses some of it's appeal.
Once the uniqueness of the video game wore off and I needed something else to do, I decided to work on some of the blankets I'm currently making. Two for my own little bundle of joy and one for a friend. Here are my three current projects (all using different patterns and some unique stitches).
These are for our little one:
This is for a 4year old girl:
Once the uniqueness of the video game wore off and I needed something else to do, I decided to work on some of the blankets I'm currently making. Two for my own little bundle of joy and one for a friend. Here are my three current projects (all using different patterns and some unique stitches).
These are for our little one:
This is for a 4year old girl:
Monday, November 7, 2011
oh my
Sometimes it isn't always fun to go back and re-read old posts. My what a day I must have been having. But then again such is pregnancy. Somedays I'm completely happy, nothing can bring me down and other days I just feel kinda blah, no energy, the world hates me.
Generally I have really enjoyed this whole being pregnant thing. Even when I'm having a horrible day, or I feel like the baby has decided to kick his way to freedom; I know that in the end I will have a baby! I can't believe it!! I'm going to have a baby! This little one at some point has to come out. And maybe the peeing when I sneeze won't go away instantly or the stretch marks. But a new little person half me, half hubs will be in the world.
And that... well it is the most amazing thing to EVER happen to me. I can think of nothing that I've done in this life that compares to the thought of bringing in new life.
So go ahead, ask me when I'm due, tell me I look like I could pop at any moment, ask to rub the belly, and if you must go ahead and tell me I don't look pregnant. I couldn't care less! I'm going to have a baby! And that is worth all of this.
Generally I have really enjoyed this whole being pregnant thing. Even when I'm having a horrible day, or I feel like the baby has decided to kick his way to freedom; I know that in the end I will have a baby! I can't believe it!! I'm going to have a baby! This little one at some point has to come out. And maybe the peeing when I sneeze won't go away instantly or the stretch marks. But a new little person half me, half hubs will be in the world.
And that... well it is the most amazing thing to EVER happen to me. I can think of nothing that I've done in this life that compares to the thought of bringing in new life.
So go ahead, ask me when I'm due, tell me I look like I could pop at any moment, ask to rub the belly, and if you must go ahead and tell me I don't look pregnant. I couldn't care less! I'm going to have a baby! And that is worth all of this.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Pity Party
I call today Pity Party day... where I have a pity party for myself.
Some days with J always studying for this stupid exam I feel like I'm alone in this whole baby thing. I drafted, reviewed, and wrote our Birth Plan (he never even read it). I built the changing table, I've done half the crib (at the point where I need help). I did all the baby's laundry. I folded all of his clothing. I sorted all the books/toys. I organized all the cloth diapers. I packed the hospital bags. I.... well you get the point by now I assume.
I think in this life the thing I hate most is feeling alone, especially when going into unknown territory. I have MANY issues of people leaving me in my past :(
Sigh... tomorrow will be the anti-pity party! I'm going to do something awesome. Not sure what, but it will be awesome!
Some days with J always studying for this stupid exam I feel like I'm alone in this whole baby thing. I drafted, reviewed, and wrote our Birth Plan (he never even read it). I built the changing table, I've done half the crib (at the point where I need help). I did all the baby's laundry. I folded all of his clothing. I sorted all the books/toys. I organized all the cloth diapers. I packed the hospital bags. I.... well you get the point by now I assume.
I think in this life the thing I hate most is feeling alone, especially when going into unknown territory. I have MANY issues of people leaving me in my past :(
Sigh... tomorrow will be the anti-pity party! I'm going to do something awesome. Not sure what, but it will be awesome!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Life Lessons
Things I learned today...
1. Waking up after 4 restless hours of sleep is no fun
2. Forgetting to eat, when your morning is complete chaos, and pregant is no fun
3. Apparently Cranberry Juice will make this prego momma toss up her lunch
4. Naps are glorious and everyone should take them, daily if needed :)
5. I have no self control when it comes to the refresh button and an online auction
6. I enjoy making lists
Ok but for real... cranberry juice + empty stomach = emptier stomach?
And now I'm going to nap, because I want to, and because I can :)
1. Waking up after 4 restless hours of sleep is no fun
2. Forgetting to eat, when your morning is complete chaos, and pregant is no fun
3. Apparently Cranberry Juice will make this prego momma toss up her lunch
4. Naps are glorious and everyone should take them, daily if needed :)
5. I have no self control when it comes to the refresh button and an online auction
6. I enjoy making lists
Ok but for real... cranberry juice + empty stomach = emptier stomach?
And now I'm going to nap, because I want to, and because I can :)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Well Now I Feel Fat
So we had to get up early this morning, (that's 7:45am) to have blood drawn and give urine samples for our life insurance policies. FYI NOT FUN. But anyway, since I'm pregnant the nurse didn't measure my chest and waist size (whew!). About 30min after she left though I became obsessed... I had to know how big around my belly had actually become.
45inches
3ft = 36in
4ft = 48in
I mean really? I'm nearly 4ft around at the belly... 4ft. I am only 5ft 5in. If I continue to expand I could end up as big around as I am tall - scary thought much? No wonder I constantly feel like I'm going to fall over.
Also explains why I can't lean over the counter and reached into our cabinets anymore, and here I thought somehow the baby had just made me shorter. Yes, that thought actually went through my mind. I'm pregnant what can I say, I'm obviously loosing brain power. But let's not get into all the funny things I've said/done because my brain is only operating at half capacity. That dear reader, would take days and we would all end up laughing so hard we would cry. And then we would float or something.... maybe that's Mary Poppins.
45inches
3ft = 36in
4ft = 48in
I mean really? I'm nearly 4ft around at the belly... 4ft. I am only 5ft 5in. If I continue to expand I could end up as big around as I am tall - scary thought much? No wonder I constantly feel like I'm going to fall over.
Also explains why I can't lean over the counter and reached into our cabinets anymore, and here I thought somehow the baby had just made me shorter. Yes, that thought actually went through my mind. I'm pregnant what can I say, I'm obviously loosing brain power. But let's not get into all the funny things I've said/done because my brain is only operating at half capacity. That dear reader, would take days and we would all end up laughing so hard we would cry. And then we would float or something.... maybe that's Mary Poppins.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Well I have to say I never thought I would be thankful for facebook. I mentioned in an earlier post (the first I believe) that we had to purchase a new computer. Well we lost a lot from the old computer. That would include photos :( sad day.
Today I was looking at photos on facebook and realized that 'hey I don't have that photo anymore.' So I just spent the last 2-3 hours stealing photos I used to have from my own facebook account, and then obviously from every friend I have on facebook. I think I have more wedding pictures now, then I did before the computer crashed. Which I guess is a bit sad, but when your photographer is a (wonderful, and delightful human being) and doesn't give you any wedding photos...
So once I was done scavenging facebook, I took a moment and thought to myself.... 'Self you used to use a photobucket account. I bet you have photos on there, and on your old Xanga blog.' And wouldn't you know it I found a lot more photos I figured were lost in the great sea of nothing called my HP computer.
Happy day for me :) And now my favorite photo I recovered because I'm just that weird...
Speaking of weird, this OLD photo of Hubs and I... WOW!!!
I'm only kidding, this is EASILY my favorite recovered photo from tonight, Thanks Emily Motter!
Today I was looking at photos on facebook and realized that 'hey I don't have that photo anymore.' So I just spent the last 2-3 hours stealing photos I used to have from my own facebook account, and then obviously from every friend I have on facebook. I think I have more wedding pictures now, then I did before the computer crashed. Which I guess is a bit sad, but when your photographer is a (wonderful, and delightful human being) and doesn't give you any wedding photos...
So once I was done scavenging facebook, I took a moment and thought to myself.... 'Self you used to use a photobucket account. I bet you have photos on there, and on your old Xanga blog.' And wouldn't you know it I found a lot more photos I figured were lost in the great sea of nothing called my HP computer.
Happy day for me :) And now my favorite photo I recovered because I'm just that weird...
Speaking of weird, this OLD photo of Hubs and I... WOW!!!
I'm only kidding, this is EASILY my favorite recovered photo from tonight, Thanks Emily Motter!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Pregnancy Report
Being pregnant is easily the craziest thing I have ever done. Just tonight (about 3min ago) I realized I was super hungry and since I'd been up for about an hour, I made myself some food. I walked away with a bowl of cereal, a PB&J (grape), Root Beer Float, Cheese Cubes and Water. I wanted ice water but we had no ice. Overly emotional crazy me teared up at this realization and nearly cried over my no ice status. I was too distraught to actually fill the ice tray with water and make ice. I bet tomorrow morning I have a repeat performance.
I must say one of the most frustrating things for me about being pregnant isn't the decreased range of motion, the insane desire to clean things, frequent potty breaks, emotional outbursts (see above) or the sleeplessness and feeling tired at the same time. No, it is the 'pregnancy brain.' Anyone that knows me knows how I feel about having things repeated to me, or me having to repeat myself. (Sorry Econ students, I had to be the worst teacher EVER!) So lately when I find myself telling Josh that same story five times, I just want to kick myself. I can never remember who I have told something, so I may end up repeating the same fact or information to one person three times and never tell the other person I was supposed to tell. Then there are times where I swear I ask Josh the same questions four or five times in the same week, and my brain gets slightly angry when he answers because I know I've heard it before but I just can't remember.
My typical response would be anger but I've learned to just laugh at myself. God sure did find a funny way to teach me patience. I thought it would be after the baby was born, but I guess I needed some preparation and I've getting a healthy dose of 'laugh at yourself daily' before he arrives. Hopefully when I do eventually lock myself out of the house, or lock my keys in the car (I have 'tried' to do both of these things at least once a week), I will have the knowledge to just laugh and move on. It has been kind of fun to just laugh at myself instead of getting angry and has made life so much more fun.
I don't know how my dear husband hasn't had me committed to a mental hospital at this point with all the fun and crazy stories he gets to hear about my day. I love that we laugh now more then ever in our marriage and I hope it is something we never lose :)
And in the end, no amount of crazy forgetfulness would ever make we want to give up my son. I may not have met him yet but I love him so much! He is easily the best gift I have ever been given.
I must say one of the most frustrating things for me about being pregnant isn't the decreased range of motion, the insane desire to clean things, frequent potty breaks, emotional outbursts (see above) or the sleeplessness and feeling tired at the same time. No, it is the 'pregnancy brain.' Anyone that knows me knows how I feel about having things repeated to me, or me having to repeat myself. (Sorry Econ students, I had to be the worst teacher EVER!) So lately when I find myself telling Josh that same story five times, I just want to kick myself. I can never remember who I have told something, so I may end up repeating the same fact or information to one person three times and never tell the other person I was supposed to tell. Then there are times where I swear I ask Josh the same questions four or five times in the same week, and my brain gets slightly angry when he answers because I know I've heard it before but I just can't remember.
My typical response would be anger but I've learned to just laugh at myself. God sure did find a funny way to teach me patience. I thought it would be after the baby was born, but I guess I needed some preparation and I've getting a healthy dose of 'laugh at yourself daily' before he arrives. Hopefully when I do eventually lock myself out of the house, or lock my keys in the car (I have 'tried' to do both of these things at least once a week), I will have the knowledge to just laugh and move on. It has been kind of fun to just laugh at myself instead of getting angry and has made life so much more fun.
I don't know how my dear husband hasn't had me committed to a mental hospital at this point with all the fun and crazy stories he gets to hear about my day. I love that we laugh now more then ever in our marriage and I hope it is something we never lose :)
And in the end, no amount of crazy forgetfulness would ever make we want to give up my son. I may not have met him yet but I love him so much! He is easily the best gift I have ever been given.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Too Good To Be Threw
My church has this amazing sale twice a year called "Too Good To Be Threw" once for Spring/Summer clothing and again for Fall/Winter clothing. Well this time I decided that hey I'm a stay at home mom that currently has no kids at home so why not offer my time and help out.
WOW! They should warn a person what they are signing up for! Our entire church has been overrun with clothing, toys, bedding, books, furniture, etc for children. I mean the ENTIRE church! From our Sanctuary to our Gymnasium. I spent 8 hours on Tuesday digging through boxes looking for stains, spots, missing buttons, broken zippers, correct tags, etc. Selfishly I keep thinking wouldn't that be cute in my baby's room? But at $1-2 for outfits, jeans, shirts... how can you say no?
My absolute favorite part are the yellow tags. Those are people who 'get' the ministry the church is trying to do. After the sale all the clothing is boxed back up by seller and sent back, UNLESS they have a yellow tag. Then the church boxes them up and donates them :)
Anyway I really loved being a part of the ministry. And I feel super good when last night they called and said they were way behind and needed additional help. So i went back for 3 hours last night as well. They also want me tomorrow morning, and late evening. Not to mention the actual sale on Saturday from 8:30-12:30.
Today was my take it easy day... clean up my own house, actually make a good dinner. Something I have failed to do much of this week as I've been gone in the evening hours. You can only eat leftovers for so long...
Hope to see lots of people at the sale :) I will be the huge pregnant lady in the yellow shirt :)
WOW! They should warn a person what they are signing up for! Our entire church has been overrun with clothing, toys, bedding, books, furniture, etc for children. I mean the ENTIRE church! From our Sanctuary to our Gymnasium. I spent 8 hours on Tuesday digging through boxes looking for stains, spots, missing buttons, broken zippers, correct tags, etc. Selfishly I keep thinking wouldn't that be cute in my baby's room? But at $1-2 for outfits, jeans, shirts... how can you say no?
My absolute favorite part are the yellow tags. Those are people who 'get' the ministry the church is trying to do. After the sale all the clothing is boxed back up by seller and sent back, UNLESS they have a yellow tag. Then the church boxes them up and donates them :)
Anyway I really loved being a part of the ministry. And I feel super good when last night they called and said they were way behind and needed additional help. So i went back for 3 hours last night as well. They also want me tomorrow morning, and late evening. Not to mention the actual sale on Saturday from 8:30-12:30.
Today was my take it easy day... clean up my own house, actually make a good dinner. Something I have failed to do much of this week as I've been gone in the evening hours. You can only eat leftovers for so long...
Hope to see lots of people at the sale :) I will be the huge pregnant lady in the yellow shirt :)
Monday, September 12, 2011
Day One
I'm not entirely sure how to start this blog... I just deleted my old blog because lets face it, it was just mean. My first big exciting news in the life of me: My brother-in-law is moving out this weekend :) I could not be happier about this turn of events! We had told him by the end of the month because our son needed a room to sleep in. Not totally unreasonable really. But, it is finally happening :)
I FINALLY picked a bed set for the baby's room and sent it off to my dad. He and my mom are buying me a crib with changing table and dresser for baby's room :) How super nice of them right? While I know this is not even close to their first grandchild (try the 6th) but it is awesome that they are doing this for me as it is my first. I will say I love that I'm 7months pregnant and have already been asked if I want more... umm... maybe? Can I have this one first?
I think I might be addicted to my computer. Or at the very least the internet. I spend more time then I should on messenger every day. Granted it has drastically reduced the amount of texts I send in a month i would HATE to see the total number of tweets/dm/pm/messages that I send online in a given week let alone and entire month. I have a feeling baby isn't exactly going to allow that to continue. I will go through withdraw -lol-
We just got a new computer today as my laptop officially called it quits Sunday morning... the internal processor died. Which costs more to fix then the new computer we just purchased. Pretty sad since two weeks ago I paid for a new hard-drive to be installed on the old guy. All in all we spent $800 this month on computers. It is really weird to have a desktop again but I can't even remember the last time my comp had been moved off it's spot on the desk anyway.
If you are a computer addict you lose a LOT of links and bookmarks when a computer dies :( I've spent a good two hours or so just trying to remember all passwords and websites that I need/use regularly. The hardest to remember were all my IRS tabs I keep for tax season, things that make my life SO much easier when doing returns. I think I got back maybe 50% of them. So I'll have a fun tax season re-looking up all the info I need. I bet it will be good for me.
Ok... well I just turned this blog onto taxes. Sigh, I'm really entertaining right?
Well folks, that about sums up my life today. Nothing too special just day-to-day life.
I FINALLY picked a bed set for the baby's room and sent it off to my dad. He and my mom are buying me a crib with changing table and dresser for baby's room :) How super nice of them right? While I know this is not even close to their first grandchild (try the 6th) but it is awesome that they are doing this for me as it is my first. I will say I love that I'm 7months pregnant and have already been asked if I want more... umm... maybe? Can I have this one first?
I think I might be addicted to my computer. Or at the very least the internet. I spend more time then I should on messenger every day. Granted it has drastically reduced the amount of texts I send in a month i would HATE to see the total number of tweets/dm/pm/messages that I send online in a given week let alone and entire month. I have a feeling baby isn't exactly going to allow that to continue. I will go through withdraw -lol-
We just got a new computer today as my laptop officially called it quits Sunday morning... the internal processor died. Which costs more to fix then the new computer we just purchased. Pretty sad since two weeks ago I paid for a new hard-drive to be installed on the old guy. All in all we spent $800 this month on computers. It is really weird to have a desktop again but I can't even remember the last time my comp had been moved off it's spot on the desk anyway.
If you are a computer addict you lose a LOT of links and bookmarks when a computer dies :( I've spent a good two hours or so just trying to remember all passwords and websites that I need/use regularly. The hardest to remember were all my IRS tabs I keep for tax season, things that make my life SO much easier when doing returns. I think I got back maybe 50% of them. So I'll have a fun tax season re-looking up all the info I need. I bet it will be good for me.
Ok... well I just turned this blog onto taxes. Sigh, I'm really entertaining right?
Well folks, that about sums up my life today. Nothing too special just day-to-day life.
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